Jokes about Clemson
One day in an elementary school in Columbia, South Carolina, a teacher asks her class if the South Carolina Gamecocks are their favorite football team. The whole class says yes, except for little Jimmy. The teacher asks, ‘What’s your favorite football team Jimmy?’ Little Jimmy says, ‘The Clemson Tigers.’ The teacher asks, ‘Well, why is that?’
Little Jimmy says, ‘Well, my dad is a Tiger fan, my mom is a Tiger fan, I guess that makes me a Tiger fan.’ The teacher, angered by his reply, says, ‘If your dad was a moron and your mom was an idiot, what would that make you?’
Little Jimmy says, ‘Well, I guess that would make me a South Carolina fan
Directions to Clemson: West till you smell it. South till you step in it!
How do you compliment a Clemson fan?
• Nice tooth
How did the Clemson Tigers fan die from drinking milk?
• The cow fell on him!
What’s the difference between a Clemson football player and a dollar?
• You can get four quarters out of a dollar
What do you call a beautiful woman on the arm of a Clemson fan?
• A tattoo
Why is there no ice in the drinks at Clemson?
• The senior with the recipe graduated
How do you know that the toothbrush was invented at Clemson?
• If it was invented any place else it would have been called the teethbrush.
Why can’t Clemson Tigers players go on the Internet?
• They can’t put 3 w’s together
Hear about the Clemson guy who lost $50 on the football game?
• He lost $25 on the game and $25 on the instant replay
Why was “the wave” banned in Memorial Stadium?
• Two Tigers fans drowned last year
Why did they cancel the Christmas play at Clemson last year?
• They couldn’t find three wise men or a virgin.
What do a tornado and a Clemson cheerleader have in common?
• They both just end up in trailer parks.
How do you know you’re in a Clemson bar?
• If you call the number on the bathroom wall you get the farm report.
How do you keep the Tigers out of the end zone?
• Put it in a library.
What is the most common STD at Clemson?
Why don’t Clemson grads use 911 in an emergency?
• Because they can’t find “eleven” on the phone dial.
How do you compliment a Clemson fan?
• Nice tooth.
Why don’t you see many Clemson Pharmacists?
• They can’t figure out how to put the medicine bottles in the printer!
What is the difference between a Clemson cheerleader and a catfish?
• One has whiskers and smells—the other is a fish.
How do you keep a Clemson girl from biting her nails?
• Make her wear shoes.
How do you break a Clemson guy’s finger?
• Punch him in the nose.
What kind of jokes do they tell in Poland?
• Clemson jokes!
Clemson University: Turn left at the barn and keep driving. You’ll get here eventually.
Dabo had an unfortunate horseback riding accident yesterday. Officials say it could have been worse but fortunately the Walmart manager unplugged the horse.
– Submitted by Joe Spigner
Orange – The perfect color for a school. You can go the game on Saturday, hunt on Sunday and pick up trash on the side of the freeway the rest of the week.
A redneck, and a car salesman walk into a bar. The bartender says, “What will you be having Mr. Swinney?”
A Georgia, Florida, and Clemson student were all having lunch together on a bridge outside Clemson. The Georgia student opens his lunch box and says, “A hot-dog again! If I have to eat one more hot-dog I’m going to jump off this bridge!”
The Florida student then opens his lunch box and exclaims, “Salad again! If I have to eat salad one more time I’m going to jump too!”
Lastly the Clemson student opens his lunchbox and complains, “Peanut butter and jelly! If I get peanut butter and jelly one more time I’m going to end it all too!”
The next day the Georgia student finds another hot dog and jumps…the Florida student got salad again and threw himself off the bridge too…finally the Clemson student finds peanut butter and jelly again and jumps to his demise as well.
Later when the three mothers were grieving the Georgia mother cries, “If I had only known he didn’t like hot dogs, ” and the Florida mother cried, “I thought salad was good for him.” The Clemson mother then exclaimed, “I don’t understand…he fixed his own lunch every day!”
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